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Friday, 13 May 2005
~Happiness~
Mood:
 bright
Now Playing: The Sun is Shining (remix) by Bob Marley
Topic: Happiness exists
It is possible to find... You just have to look.
~HAPPINESS~
Happiness was always just out of reach for me
But then I saw your smile,
And that barrier keeping me
from happiness melted away.
I wish this moment would freeze in time, so I could once again be fully reminded what happiness feels like. And with your smile, I will lock it in my heart, lock it in my mind, lock it in my soul, and never forget the one thing that gives me the courage and strength to move on through this jouney called life.
If you knew how much your smiles ment to me, I would think that you would never stop smiling. You've given me what I never thought my useless life could give me.
Hope!
Hope for happiness that will last when you smile fades away. Hope that I can keep strong, when your gone from sight.
Moving on....
Mood:
 happy
Now Playing: Let Go, Frou Frou
Topic: Leaving the past behind
For the longest time I was drowning in self pity and hating my life, and the things I had gone through in the past. I found out that the smaller things in life, can effect your life the most. all it took for me was a smile. He smiled at me, and to this day hasn't stopped. His smile keeps my soul alive, and has filled me with hope. I know now that I can make it, I may still need some assistance, but I will eventually make it.
***Standing on a mountain with your face in the wind
Thinking of everything that I worked to leave behind
The smile that you sent me, the first time we met
Is something, I really don't want to ever forget
You made me see, that it's time to move on
To let go of the hurt, I have carried with me for so long... Thank you....muah***
I learned that no matter how far you think you have fallen, you can always dig your way out, or have a ladder thrown down to you!!
Spinning a Web of lies
Mood:
 down
Now Playing: Losing Grip by Avril
Topic: Boyfriends and trust
Hey everyone!
I wrote this poem when I was dating a guy and we were going through kind of a rough patch.
P.s Lying gets you no where boys...
~Spinning a Web of Lies~
He's lying, I know it.
I can see it in his eyes
The longer this goes on
The more problems will arise.
I thought we were perfect.
With no problems holding us back.
But it seems were falling and slipping through a crack
I couldn't believe it when I found out
I never thought you would lie to me
My mind is filled with doubt
I tried to justify what you had done
But I could not be convinced otherwise
That what you claim to be the truth
Was nothing but lies.
Even when I questioned it,
And gave you a chance to be honest with me
You told me a story that didn't quite fit
What to do,
I'm not sure,
I think now, its up to you....
Thursday, 12 May 2005
It knows me best
Mood:
 sad
Topic: Eating Disorder
This is another poem I wrote the day I found out about my sisters eating disorder.
It Knows's me Best
The only thing I can trust is my mind
Don't' worry, It only keeps me in line
It knows what I am inside and out
and it fills me with what I Knows will change me...Doubt
Even thought I question it.
My thoughts are always justified and seem to fit
It knows how I can belong,
It knows I've been trying for so long
It tells me that losing the demons will make me feel lighter,
And all I need is to become a better fighter.
The more demons I release, the more people will like me.
I have no choice, This is the only way to be set free.
~:~Ocean of Emotion~:~
Mood:
sad
Now Playing: This place is a prison by The Postal Service
Topic: Eating Disorders
I wrote this poem the day I found out that my sister was suffering from Anorexia Nervosa. That was a confusing and hard day from me. I wrote this from the perspective of someone who would have an eating disorder.
~:~Ocean Of Emotion~:~
In so many ways I want to be more, I confess
But in only on way do I want to be less.
The names, comments and stares keep on coming.
There's no where to hide, so I keep on running.
I wish to feel that I belong,
and not always feel live I've done something wrong.
Sometimes I wish it all would end
and people would stop pretending to be my friend.
I keep telling myself not to be scared,
and play the games that I've been dared.
I'm literally playing the game of life
Where one wrong move will cause heartache and strife.
Giving them what they want will make me fit in,
No matter what the sin.
So what if my mind ends up abused!
As long as my body looks perfect and unused.
My life is so confusing,
and I will probably end up losing.
I am not given choices
My head is flooded with voices.
I'm on my own, confused and dieing.
I;ve decided there is no use in crying.
I'll try to hold on and let myself grow.
But if it gets to hard, I'll have to let go.
My life is an Ocean,
and I'm drowning in it's emotions!
It's to late
Mood:
down
Now Playing: Epiphany by Staind
Topic: Finding love too late
Here's another poem for you guys. Hope you like this one! I wrote it when I was feeling very depressed, again... ha ha
It's too Late!
All my life i've been alone.
No one to care.
Speak for myself, I did not dare!
Suffocating from the lack of love.
Maybe I belong up above?
All my life I've been alone.
Forever lost in no where.
Forgotten in Silence.
Surrounded in a world of violence.
Always been second best.
Never as good as the rest.
Forever Lost in nowhere.
I'm always running, there's no place to hide.
My whole body is screaming for help
No one can hear.
Choking, gasping, I'm drowning in fear.
So many promises were broken.
So many cruel words were spoken.
I'm always running, there's no place to hide.
Finally love...but its too late.
Hold me close and watch me die
All thats left to do is cry.
I cry because I'm leaving you
Your the first, that my love was true.
Finally love....but its just too late....
Clocks
Mood:
down
Now Playing: Suicidal Dreams by Silver Chair
Topic: Suicidal Thoughts
This entry is much more depressing. I would advise not reading this one if you are sensitive to graphic and disturbing imagery. The day I wrote this, I was having a terrible time, and felt very alone and was suffering from extremely low self-esteem. Please take this as just a poem... and nothing more.
~Clocks~
Tick...Tick...Tick...Tick...Tick
It's pointed at my head.
I'm shaking all over,
I wish I was dead.
Tick...Tick...Tick...Tick...
I'm screaming inside.
My whole body is aching,
My soul has died.
Tick...Tick...Tick...
I fall to the blood stained floor.
My vision is blurry.
I just can't take this anymore.
Tick...Tick...
My mistakes, I cannot erase.
Darkness floods around me,
A single tear streams down my face
Tick...
Remember never to let things get this bad, and help is always available to those who need it, even if you just need to talk.
Being at a lose
Mood:
sad
Now Playing: Left Behind by VNV Nation
Topic: Losing a friend
Hey guys,
Alright, so I am sure all of you have had someone that you knew and were friends with, turn around and ultimately screw you over. If this hasn't happened to you, consider yourself one of the very few lucky ones. As you probably have guessed, this happened to me. In case you Don't't pick it up, this poem is about two friends who were closer than anything in the world. And when one started dating this guy (who turned out to be a major asshole to her and myself), she blew the other friend off. She only wanted to talk when she was fighting or had problems with her boyfriend, and they broke up a million times, but for some stupid reason always got back together. Eventually I had enough of this game she was playing. I really wasn't the type to be constantly used and abused. She left me alone, with all the 7 years of memories we created together. Personally, there is only so many years of being blown off and cast aside, one can take. Don't't let this happen to you guys! It hurts alto. Hope you enjoy this one...
Losing the "Best" in Best Friends
We have been close for so long
But so many things have gone wrong
Choosing him over your friends
Is what will determine how this ends.
I tried to warn you
But you wouldn't believe it was true.
You said you knew best
And he was better than all the rest
I hate this to end over a guy
I question if there's hope left to try
I'm worn out
from hearing what your fights are all about
I still can't believe you returned
I thought that the 1st time, you would have learned
So many fun times in the past
Our friendship is slipping away fast
I Don't't want to throw this away
But I can't wait another day
I just can't stay...
Being a teenager
Mood:
 not sure
Topic: Myself and my site goals
Hey Everyone!! The Beach Theme Song
I've created this site as an opportunity for teens to realize that they are no alone, and that others are going through shitty times as well. I'm am an 18 year old female who just finished her first year of university. I'm have always been one to write all kinds of poetry. I'm normally find that I'm write alto of depressing stuff, mostly because I'm myself am depressed and hate my life. I find it comforting when I'm am feeling ultra depressed and feeling as though I'm am all alone, and I'm just want to end it all, I'm find myself writing everything down and creating the poetry which I'm would like to share with you on this site. Much of it is extreme and some is disturbing. I'm would hope that you will all appreciate it for what it is, and not take it as me telling you what to do, through the poems. Actually, the opposite ids what I'm hope you will do. I'm do not advocate trying to end your life, starving yourself, or any of the other negative ideas which are portrayed within my poems. Just know that I'm'm here for those who need or want advice.
I'm hope you enjoy my work, and I'm'm sorry if it is to depressing for you. But some of it is more positive..!!yaa! go positive,..ahem... ha ha
enjoy!
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